The power of asking

Last updated on Jan 3, 2025 5 min read

What’s the worst that can happen when you ask for something? Spoiler alert: you don’t spontaneously combust. In fact, you might actually get what you want!

Asking is a ridiculously obvious yet criminally underrated life hack. Let me tell you how it worked for me — and how it can work for you too.

That time I asked for the moon (and got it)

Flashback to my PhD days: I wanted an internship with one of the world’s top machine learning research groups at Cambridge University. Everyone, from my colleagues to my supervisor and even some family members I shared this with, told me, “Don’t get your hopes up”. But I sent that email anyway. And guess what? I got in!

Me enjoying the college life at Cambridge University and racing the Varsity duathlon against Oxford

Fast forward to my last job: I casually asked if I could pick my work equipment. I asked for the Rolls Royce of laptops at the time — a shiny MacBook Pro with the latest M3 processor. They said yes. When I strolled into the office, everyone else had clunky old HPs. Someone asked how I pulled it off, and I just said: “I just asked!”

And that’s when it hit me: asking is an actual superpower. Most people just don’t use it.

Why we’re afraid to ask

Let’s be real. Asking feels risky. What if they say no? What if they laugh? What if they think you’re greedy?

Here’s the thing: when you don’t ask, the answer is always a no. Asking takes guts, sure, but it also shows clarity, confidence, and self-respect.

Why asking works like magic

It puts you on the radar: Even if the answer is no, asking makes people aware of your goals, needs, and dreams. They might not say yes now, but later? Who knows?
It builds grit: Every “no” toughens you up. It’s like rejection therapy, except your prize isn’t just a thicker skin — it’s the possibility of a “yes” down the line.
It beats sitting around: If you’re just waiting for someone to notice your brilliance, you’re playing life on hard mode. Take the shortcut: just ask.

Some might say, ‘This sounds too simple to work. What’s the trick?'

Let’s take a moment to understand why asking is such a powerful tool (and not just a ploy to get free stuff). It works like magic but it is not magic—it’s basic human psychology! Here’s the secret sauce:

People want to help: Most of us are wired to be helpful. When someone asks us for something, it triggers a little inner voice that says, “I could do this!” It’s satisfying to fulfill a request—it makes us feel useful and connected. So, by asking, you’re giving someone the chance to feel good about lending a hand. Win-win!
The world isn’t psychic: It’s shocking how often people don’t know what you need. Your boss, your partner, your barista—they’re not mind-readers (as much as we wish they were). By clearly stating what you want, you cut through the guesswork and make it easier for others to give you what you’re after.
It opens doors you didn’t know existed: Sometimes, asking leads to opportunities you hadn’t even considered. Maybe you won’t get the exact thing you asked for, but a savvy listener might offer a great alternative—or introduce you to someone who can help. Asking starts a ripple effect you can’t predict, but it often works in your favor.

What about the Nos?

Let’s talk about rejection, because spoiler alert: you won’t always get what you ask for.

But here’s the secret sauce: rejection is good for you. It teaches resilience and clarity. It helps you refine your approach. Plus, every “no” brings you closer to the next “yes”. As I heard once, a NO is the second best answer you can get! It’s often the yeses that are hidden behind the nos.

Think about it: you’re either exactly where you started (but wiser), or you’re one step closer to getting what you want. Either way, you win.

And yet, even with the occasional ‘no,’ the rewards of asking often far outweight the risks.

Rejection doesn’t close the door; it’s often just a detour. Now think about this: what’s one thing you’ve been hesitating to ask for? Maybe it’s a raise at work, help with a project, or even just borrowing a friend’s book. Take a moment right now to identify one thing you want but haven’t asked for yet. Got it? Great. Now imagine what your life could look like if the answer was a “yes.” All it takes is a single step: asking. Go ahead — take the leap!

When you ask, here’s what happens:

You just might get it: Duh. Obvious but true!
You look like a boss: Asking is confidence in action. People respect that.
You learn and grow: Whether it’s a yes or no, asking is a step forward.

Be the person who once helped you

Here’s the catch: for asking to work in the long run, you need to pay it forward. Be the person who says yes to others when they ask for help.

Why? Because the world needs more givers. The best part? It feels amazing to give back. Every time I help someone with career advice or machine learning questions, I think of all the times people said yes to me — and it’s a full-circle moment.

Gain karma points by being *that* person that once helped you

Final thoughts: Ask, already!

Life is too short to play guessing games. Speak up. Ask for that opportunity, that favor, that ridiculously expensive laptop. Ask that person out! The worst-case scenario? You hear no and move on. The best-case scenario? Your life changes for the better.

So, take a breath, gather your courage, and go for it. The world is waiting for your ask!